Thursday, August 11, 2011

King of Fighters

Today a friend, Q, came over to watch King of Fighters since we have it and he wants to review it. What follows is my reactions from watching the movie for the very first time in realtime. Edited slightly for spelling.
Note-I am not racist at all towards anyone, but...well in the movie, Kyo Kusanagi in his childhood photos and flashbacks is clearly one ethnicity, but grown up Kyo looks like a completely different ethnicity. Yeah, it's that kind of movie.

Gratuitous shower scene, wee!
Also depressed shower scene....
Using bluetooth warps you to other dimensions, scientists were right, it WILL kill you!
Oh look, Mai raided Forever 21 on her way to the fight
What does one call "flynning" in martial arts?
Random floating ball of snakes and it......i won?
Opening credits.....the cgi for 2010 is......oh run! incoming game, reboot!
Dude in car, please stop whining and maybe spout some exposition.
Missed expositions counter -3
Finally exposition about what the heck is going on. Only took about 20 minutes.
Again, what do you call flynning in martial arts? It's clear he knows what he's doing and carrying through with it no matter how much she sucks.
An entire room of CIA agents that have guns don't do a single thing when Rugal trades his gun for a sword then loses it......shoot him!!!! Stop cowering like pansies!
I have so been punched in the lung.....I have been sliced open, but the paramedics are in no hurry to get to the ambulance.... I'm so glad you had someone else call the ambulance even though you had a cell phone, now please let me go so i can stop shatnering it up with indigestion
Random actor #3 is an important character? Why? Who are you?!?!
Rambling about what happened to a random guy you don't know and doesn't give 2 licks about what happened. Oh wait, that's Kyo Kusanagi. Again, who?
You must go to the hospital to  talk to a guy who doesn't talk to meet his hot son who used to be asian but then grew out of it. He grew out of being .....? I used to be asian.....You used to be asian? ....*incredulous look* ....I got better....
Oh look, I'm rambling about exposition to my boyfriend I was told to keep this secret from and now guy who doesn't talk is beating you up
Why is former asian guy smiling as he's trying to restrain his father who's trying to kill evil boyfriend character?
Why does Rugal suddenly have a red eye?
Vice and Mature raided Hot Topic before going to fight apperently. and Rugal raided Modells
And Rugal falls on his butt for no reason after showing off his mad skating skills, but he can't go in a straight line without falling
Oh, random name dropping phone call setting up characters we haven't seen and have no idea who hey are.
Oh great, Rugal rapes Vice and she can't fight back if she wants Mature back.
You're the CIA, you had me under survelance, that's classified? what? She sees you obviously, it can't be that classified
More exposition, finally! We know why they want to fight and how other dimensions can exist.
Iori to Mai about what''s going on - I can't tell you this, it's big and complicated and hard to understand, so I'll explain it in one sentence and you'll understand easily
They keep talking about this Orochi thing/person/god, and I keep thinking Orochimaru's going to pop up. That would make this movie totally awesome!
They are pulling every trick in the book to make Mai's boobs look bigger then they are.
Hey, random guy who's dad tried to kill my boyfriend, I'll go with you someplace secluded and tell you everything i'm not supposed to tell you. I trust you not to do anything bad to me.
41 minutes in and only 3 fights lasting a few minutes each. Are you sure this is a fighting movie Q?
What is the point of this motorcycle garage. All this exposition I promised you when getting to this out of the way secluded spot and you spend the time fixing a motorcycle while I walk around looking at your things while depressing music plays, and look here's a family photo of you when you were Asian, but it's actually me and Iori with a random baby.
Why are you here? YOU BROUGHT ME HERE DUMMY!!!!!!
What could you tell me that I don't already know? Well apparently when she was giving you exposition when going to meet your father you had no idea what she was talking about and thought she was crazy.
So she's telling him what she just told him in the graveyard and then beats him up with no new info she promised him.
I'm sorry, I always beat up people who touch my shoulder.
I'm also sorry that we're so clumsy for both being master martial artists.
You still haven't told me what you're doing, hello?!?!?!? you brought me here
I forgot my family history when I turned into an american.
So the exposition you said you were going to give me?  Instead I'll fill in the blanks for you lady.
Oh my god she rode up with a guy on a motorcycle even though I saw them leaving together I must confront them angrily
Oh Mai, why don't you explain everything instead of the 2 guys in the room whose families have been involved in the tournaments for generations.
Wow, Mai is a part of the CIA undercover team
And why does everyone else get different wardrobes when entering another dimension besides Iori?
And now Iori is talking with Rugel, dressed as a combination of the 6th and 7th doctors from docter who
That's not how you use a Tonfa! You're doing it wrong!
Backflip, you're doing it wrong!
And they give Iori cosplay contact lenses for some reason
Orochi is a cheesy cgi ball of snakes? why did the ball of snakes appear?
I'm sorry, I saw you disappear and still don't believe in other dimensions.
Perfect chance for Iori to fight everyone in the real world since he's gone all evil/crazy, no, I'm going to run so I don't kill all these people I hate and the girl who betrayed me.
Oh my, I lost my boyfriend, i'm so sad....not.
Ball of cgi snakes hypnotizing Rugal in a chair.....why?
And now what's his name raided the closet of a japanese grade schooler wee! (Kyo Kusanagi)
Whoa I know kung fu.....even though I was taught it as a child and even though I was supposed to know it random chick kicked my butt.
Cartoon physics woo!
Iori, you could have killed him.......yes, yes I could
I totally got my family motto wrong, so I'll ramble on about being like water even though our crest is a fiery sun.
So I'm going to talk you into fighting with me even though you have no fighting skills despite having martial arts lessons throughout your childhood
So in a top secret CIA base in an abandoned pie factory, anyone can just waltz on in and join in the thinktank process
Why is Iori yellow/green?
Oh, Kusanagi, you're here too? I totally didn't notice you even though I hate you most out of all the people here.
Dramatic Zoom!
Where did the otherdimensional bums come from? Is there a while other world with interdimensional bums?
Rugal's scene where he chooses a weapon is perhaps the best scene ever.
So Terry crashes through the door and lands on the ground behind Mai very noisily, starts fighting with Vice and Mature very noisily, and then she finally notices that ther'es fighting going on behind her. Oh hai Terry, I didn't hear you come in, oh look I should help you with these to hmm?
And now the people in charge realize the movie's almost over, and there's been hardly any fighting going on, oh snap, we have to have everyone fighting right now! Massive Fight Scene Go!
That's not how you use a Tonfa!!!!!
Run! the Bums think we have money!
Awesome scene between what's his name and Rugal. (Kyo)
Seriously! Flynning! In martial arts! What is it called?!?!
Dramatic camera turning scene to increase tension
Is there a point to Iori and Rugal shooting flaming balls out of their hands together? (no comment)
When did this first person narrative of Rugal's turn into third person, with Rugal talking about how Rugal made Saisyu Kusanagi's character insane?
Oh no, Iori's turning into horrible CGI! Run!
Mai- Whoa, I have super powers?
Raise your sword, mirror, and necklace! I don't know why or how this is supposed to work but it does! Oh wait, it doesn't.
Oh for- you can see the wires they're using for these "special" effects.
Oh look butterflies!
How did a bum catch fire? Nevermind that, Flaming bum attack go!
Oh, so now this thing we did before with the mirror/necklace/sword that didn't work now does work.
And Terry goes from wearing a longsleeved shirt, to a teeshirt, back to the longsleeved shirt again in the middle of fighting bums...
Firebending done right!
Bad attempt at a japanese funeral done wrong.
Spiritual revelation from dead father that has no purpose this late in the movie except to sequelbait.

Another few notes, Flynning in martial arts is called flynning, you don't need to tell me in the comments.  Also, Q was keeping a running commentary on who everyone is and how much it isn't like the KOF 95' game it was based on, you don't need to school me. Please leave the comment section for constructive criticism and pointing out the references I made to other, better things to watch on tv. Thank you!

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